Putting sex on the calendar can be incredibly sexy

Who remembers the days of on-the-spot, spontaneous sex? If you’re a couple who’s been together for years, those days may seem like eons ago. Just getting through a busy day at work, spending time with the kids, straightening up the house and finally hitting the sheets, rarely leads to a frisky, spontaneous romp in bed. More likely you’re both too tired and together decide, “Not tonight but maybe tomorrow night” right before you each fall fast asleep.

What if you planned sex throughout the week?

Think of it sort of like planning a date night to keep your relationship fresh and alive. Or even like planning meals – when planned, the likelihood of what you planned to eat actually happening, significantly increases. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself picking up not-so-healthy meals once again, at the local fast food drive-thru.

Scheduling sex may seem like a mood killer but when you both put “sex” into your calendars, it makes it more likely to happen to hold you both accountable. Better yet, scheduling sex can be incredibly sexy driving romance and fueling deeper connection within your relationship as you anticipate the day.

When deciding what days and times to schedule sex, you and your partner will need to sit down and plan together. Plan a date for sex when no children are around – get the grandparents to keep them for the night – and block off time to get ready and prepared for the event. Pretend like it’s the first date.

How to set a romantic atmosphere

Take a shower, wear something you feel good in, and set the mood with candles, wine, a nice meal, or whatever you both enjoy together as a couple. Build up the anticipation throughout the day by sending text messages or with brief but suggestive acts of touching throughout the day reminding each of you what you’ve planned later on.

Once you’ve picked a day and time to schedule sex, remember to always be flexible.  Life happens.  If the day arrives and the unexpected happens, go with the flow and reschedule. Or what if you want to show intimacy but not necessarily have intercourse? The day arrives and physically or mentally, you’re not in the mood. That’s okay. Expectations can always be lowered. Simply caressing each other, giving a massage, or holding hands are perfect ways to show intimacy and love without having intercourse.

If you’re having trouble agreeing on a date and time, remember one of the most important factors that keep couples together long-term – compromise. The art of compromise leads to better satisfaction and desire for one another in the long run.

Of course, spontaneous sex is still very good.  And if that happens before your scheduled sex date arrives, even better.

Some may think of scheduled sex as being forced.  Or you may be worried about it leading to performance anxiety undermining enjoyment. If the pressure of performing sexually is too great, dial it down. Have a plan B such as a fun activity you both take pleasure in bringing you together as a couple creating good memories.

Ultimately, the goal is for you and your partner to experience mutual satisfaction and a deep connection. Whether it’s planned or spontaneous, expressing love is always sexy.

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